Today’s topic is so important that I will state it three times. You need to spend time on your relationship once you have children. Schedule time for you and your partner to reconnect, no matter what is happening in your life. Maintain intimacy with your partner. No matter how you say it, your relationship needs some TLC during the adjustment time of new parenthood and beyond.
I have seen many happy couples really struggle during the early years of parenthood. Exhaustion, workload, and caring for the needs of young children can leave little time for pleasure. However, it is up to you to make your relationship a priority, as important and non-negotiable as other important tasks in your life. In fact, a strong partnership makes it easier to handle life’s daily tasks and responsibilities. Here are a few tips that I personally have used to maintain a healthy and happy relationship during our early parenting years.
1. Communication. It sounds so simple. Yet, if you are not used to opening up your emotions with your partner, this can be a real challenge. Don’t hold back. Talk about what is frustrating you, things you are finding difficult, things you would like to change. Don’t be embarrassed by what you are feeling, because chances are it is perfectly normal and very common for someone in the same situation. If you find it difficult to say things face to face, write it down. It doesn’t matter how you communicate, just communicate. My husband and I have found it really helpful during disagreements to end the conversation with a “to-do” or action-item list. I find that this makes our conversations solution-driven and productive rather than emotion-driven and destructive.
2. Patience with passion. No surprise that it takes time for the body to heal after childbirth. During the healing period intercourse is not advised. However there are lots of ways to maintain intimacy without intercourse and I will leave it up to your imagination to fill in those techniques. Another common, although often overlooked, issue is libido and breastfeeding. Many women have a very low or non-existent sex-drive for as long as they are nursing a child. Biologically it makes sense. A body that is nourishing a baby is not looking to produce another baby just quite yet, and so it lacks the drive to “make a baby”. Men can read this lack of interest in sex as a lack of interest in them, so it is very important to talk about this. With a lot of patience and passion, a partner can help the mother become intimate when she is ready.
3. Schedule date nights. You. Must. Have. Dates. A date does not have to be out of the house. In fact, it may consist of a night at home with some wine and a movie. Whatever you choose, pick something where you are enjoying each other’s company and having fun. It is easy to spend all your time doing daily chores and discussing responsibilities with your partner. If you are always doing the ‘boring’ tasks with your partner, you might start seeing your partner as ‘boring’. Don’t fall into this trap. Make sure you do enjoy some time when the entire focus is on you two relaxing together. Make a pledge to have at least one date night a month, and strive for once a week.
The above tips have really helped my husband and I maintain our relationship over the past few years. If you feel your issues require a little more help, then do not be afraid to go out and get it. There are many forms of relationship counselling, and it can be an important tool to use in maintaining and repairing your relationship. I truly believe that strong partners help make strong parents!
I have seen many happy couples really struggle during the early years of parenthood. Exhaustion, workload, and caring for the needs of young children can leave little time for pleasure. However, it is up to you to make your relationship a priority, as important and non-negotiable as other important tasks in your life. In fact, a strong partnership makes it easier to handle life’s daily tasks and responsibilities. Here are a few tips that I personally have used to maintain a healthy and happy relationship during our early parenting years.
1. Communication. It sounds so simple. Yet, if you are not used to opening up your emotions with your partner, this can be a real challenge. Don’t hold back. Talk about what is frustrating you, things you are finding difficult, things you would like to change. Don’t be embarrassed by what you are feeling, because chances are it is perfectly normal and very common for someone in the same situation. If you find it difficult to say things face to face, write it down. It doesn’t matter how you communicate, just communicate. My husband and I have found it really helpful during disagreements to end the conversation with a “to-do” or action-item list. I find that this makes our conversations solution-driven and productive rather than emotion-driven and destructive.
2. Patience with passion. No surprise that it takes time for the body to heal after childbirth. During the healing period intercourse is not advised. However there are lots of ways to maintain intimacy without intercourse and I will leave it up to your imagination to fill in those techniques. Another common, although often overlooked, issue is libido and breastfeeding. Many women have a very low or non-existent sex-drive for as long as they are nursing a child. Biologically it makes sense. A body that is nourishing a baby is not looking to produce another baby just quite yet, and so it lacks the drive to “make a baby”. Men can read this lack of interest in sex as a lack of interest in them, so it is very important to talk about this. With a lot of patience and passion, a partner can help the mother become intimate when she is ready.
3. Schedule date nights. You. Must. Have. Dates. A date does not have to be out of the house. In fact, it may consist of a night at home with some wine and a movie. Whatever you choose, pick something where you are enjoying each other’s company and having fun. It is easy to spend all your time doing daily chores and discussing responsibilities with your partner. If you are always doing the ‘boring’ tasks with your partner, you might start seeing your partner as ‘boring’. Don’t fall into this trap. Make sure you do enjoy some time when the entire focus is on you two relaxing together. Make a pledge to have at least one date night a month, and strive for once a week.
The above tips have really helped my husband and I maintain our relationship over the past few years. If you feel your issues require a little more help, then do not be afraid to go out and get it. There are many forms of relationship counselling, and it can be an important tool to use in maintaining and repairing your relationship. I truly believe that strong partners help make strong parents!
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